urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sparklinglar <3 <3 2008-02-21T21:26:18Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sparklinglar:77983 2008-02-21T21:26:18Z 2008-02-21T21:26:18Z gezzz im almost 21 in 4 days... kinda scary. its weird too because i dont want to get wasted? lol, i have 2 parties at 3 different places that are throwing them for me. tilt, bar, and alleycat. kinda fun and good to know lots of people in the club business. i quit ulta, i just work at bar now... i get more rest now. niceeee. me and chris got a puppy golden retriever for each other for vday. her name is riley, shes cute but i really hate to potty train her, it sucks ass big time. shes stubborn. chris always works at the radio station too, so he doesnt have to deal with her, just at night... i love her though, i cant wait till shes big. <br />im trying to find a townhome or house to rent, erins pregnant again... and im not about to go live with 2 babies... hell no. plus we fight a lot... so nope. <br />i miss california a lot, its not even funny... <br />21 fucking years old, shitttt... now i dont have to hide my drinks when i drink them, lol. now i cant just drink infront of everyone.. that will probably be the best, and getting in places with chris. <br />im ready for spring time, i hate this cold weather...<br />im bored online... <br />later urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sparklinglar:77749 2008-01-07T05:22:47Z 2008-01-07T05:22:47Z heroheroine i really do love chris, and its scary.... <br />tonights the first night in like a month that he hasnt came over and hung out with me. it sucks and he wanted me to come over tonight but i didnt because i was too tired, and he goes back to school tomorrow and i wanted him to get rest before school. i miss him a lot and i today at 3 was the last time i saw him lol. i feel empty without him. last night he told me he doesnt feel whole when hes not with me, and when he is with me he feels whole. <br />i just started getting butterflies when i think about him. its so weird, i didnt expect to feel like this. and i dont want to move fast because i am only 20. we are moving super fast and it scares me. i put this big wall up a lot when im with him, and he knows that. i need to just let things be and go with it instead of not letting anything happen, if that makes sence. <br />the things he says and does makes me melt. im so scared.... <br />i want to go to sleep but i cant because i want to cuddle with him:( i hope i get to see him tomorrow...<br />ima try to sleep...<br />by the way i fing love my iphone!<br />&hearts; urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sparklinglar:77512 2007-12-30T02:04:12Z 2007-12-30T02:04:12Z some song on the cd chris made me so me and chris are together now... im actually really happy. we get along very well, its scary... although sometimes we can both be very jealous if the other is talking to a girl or guy, but other than that lol. he comes over all the time, and we just chill and watch movies... and everytime i work at bar he comes up there to see me. i never go to clubs anymore since we started dating. <br />hes already told me he loved me... i think a week ago he told me he was falling in love with me. its kinda scary because its moving really fast, and he has sent his demo tapes to california so when i move he can... sometimes i question everything but i try not to think so negative. the other day on the O show on kiss they were talking about me, and they were getting callers to call in to see how long itd take chris to cheat on me, i was sooo pissed. chris didnt know anything about it either. later that night i saw Otis and i was flicking him off lol, and he was like "i did it for you, i dont want chris to screw this up, you're the hottest girl hes ever been with and so sweet" i was like yeah yeah fuck you lol. i gotta get used to it, thats chris' career, hes crazy chris from kiss 95.1 lol... everyone says thats not the last time they will bring me up... im just like ohhhh great. everyone said something to me about it at bar the other night, it sucked. i just laugh now. <br />i do love him... i didnt think id be able to love this fast, and thats whats so scary, i really dont want to get hurt. only time will tell, thats what i say. we'll see..<br />leatherheads has its preview out and me and chris went to the movies last night and there was a biggggg board thing of them, i was like AHHH I WAS IN THAT FUCKERS! lol.. kinda weird seeing it. <br />im so hungry. chris needs to get here and feed me lol. <br />ima go wait for him:)<br /><br />&hearts; urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sparklinglar:77187 2007-11-23T04:26:46Z 2007-11-23T04:26:46Z im so tired, and im actually lonely... i hate it.<br />so i started liking raji... HA! i mean i still do but hes a weirdo, he goes through my phone and shows me messages from his ex and tells me he doesnt like her at all but she sends him messages, he just drags her along.. kinda sad. then the other day, he was like "i dont think we should sleep together anymore, you've become obsessed" i was like HAHAHA if i was obsessed with you, id txt and call you all the time and beg you to hang out and do i? no... you txt and call me all the time fucker. and i come over just to hang out with someone, not because its you, lol. then he was like ohh im sorry.. blah blah. then last night we were supposed to hang out and then he called and said i could come over but he had to wake up early, and then he said hed call back and he didnt.. so me kelly and brooke prank called him.. and hes from iran so we made fun of him and idk if he knew it was us but today i txt and called him and he hasnt said anything lol. its whatever, ill be seeing him.<br />chris and i are finally talking a little bit more.. he said we should hang out because i said i missed him today, and then he told me to call him saturday. chris is my first choice out of all those guys. i mean if chris wanted me, id forget raji and all them boys. hes just different, but i really dont think anything will happen because hes already said me moving to california has taken a tole on our relationship. everyone wants us together, i just donno. <br />i honestly miss bo lately... its weird..<br />damn im so lonely. <br />shahn asked me to work at bar last night and i didnt call to say yes or no, and he saw me out last night... i think he was pissed because he just hugged me, usually i get a little kiss but whatever lol. hes a jerkoff. everyone im at him and raji's apt he calls me into his room, i just run now lol, hes hott... just not doing that again. <br />i really dont want to work tomorrow... damnit. i work 12-8... not too bad but i have 40 hours next week, ima be soo tired.. and not much partying i can do, damnit! lol i need a break i think... im getting tired of it and the boys are getting old... i just want chris lol. <br />i kinda like raji too damnit, i want what i cant have! <br />chris is number 1 though.<br />i need to go to bed and rest... <br />thanksgiving was good, i ate and slept! fun times lol. im thankful for my family, friends, animals, and my career ive kinda started! <br />night<br /><br />&hearts; urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sparklinglar:76953 2007-11-12T03:19:10Z 2007-11-12T03:19:10Z radio im so damn tired, my life is going so fast these days.. i cant keep up. <br />im so confused about my feelings lately... i really like chris and it sucks. so we hung out a lot, then we slept together and a lot changed... he acted like he liked me a lot, i mean hed hang all over me infront of everyone he worked with and hung out with, and would start making out with me infront of everyone and introducing me as his "girlfriend" then we got into a fight because for some reason adam told him i was talking shit about him.. and i wasnt, then chris finally believed me.. and we were cool and then we didnt talk for a few days, and then i invited him over and he said he was too tired and i told him not to make excuses and he didnt say anything. so i see him thursday and i know he saw me and he acted like he didnt. he hugged kelly and everything first, then i told him i needed to talk to him later, then kelly basically cussed him out and we talked.. he said he felt like a asshole because i was upset and how he treated me, blah blah and asked if we could talk the next day because he didnt want to do it at bar. i got over it and i hung out with raji that night, whatever. <br />so the next day chris called me and he asked what i did that night and he got jealous when i said i hung out with shahn and raji, kinda funny lol. so then he called me later and said he couldnt come over to talk because he was going to work, and so we talked on the phone and i said i didnt want a relationship and he thought i did. and then he was like "i thought to myself, i really like this girl but shes moving in two months, what am i supposed to do when you move"? i was like well idk, and he said he didnt know what i wanted, and i said well i dont want a relationship i just want someone to hang out with and have fun with. so he said okay and how he was soo sorry, blah blah and said hed call kiss and tell them he couldnt come in, and i said nooo go to work and he said he wanted to come over and i said no because i was still mad. then we got off the phone, and i finally decided he could come over. he came over, kinda awkward because we fought and he was saying sorry and how he really does like me alot blah blah, then we watched blow and ya know... then he left because he had to go to work at bar. so last night i went out and i saw him but i didnt say hey, i said hey to his friends first. and kelly and laura said hey to him and he asked where i was, and then he saw me. then he pulled me over to hung him and he was like heyy baby and kissed me and tried to hang on to me but i pulled away. then i went back and hugged him and he asked if i was okay and i said yeah he was like are you sure are you mad at me and i said no im good. then i walked away and he asked kelly and laura if i was mad at him and they said they didnt know lol. im just playing the game... but then i txted him later and called and he didnt answer... then i msged him on myspace and he didnt asnwer, fucker. idk i really do like him too, idk. it hurts but whatever. <br />then raji, i like him too.. but id rather chris. chris is who he is though, he works for kiss and every girl wants him... its just hard. i hate thinking about him. i may go where he works on tuesday but idk yet. im gonna hang out with raji more just to get over chris, because idk how me and chris are gonna work out and i know i can have fun with raji and not get attached.. but with chris i will get attached. i know i dont want a relationship right now but i feel like i may want one with chris at some point and i really dont want to... idk confusing... <br />i miss chris, it sucks.. i miss raji too because him brad and shahn are in orlando... gezz these club boys!!!<br />id like to "hang" out with chris or raji, but i gots my period so good thing im not... good thing me and chris hung out before i started it. i just want it more though lol. damnit i want them both! <br />i got a 2 dollar raise at ulta because i said id quit if not lol... they love me. <br />besides boys, i love my life lately.. i think the only thing dragging me down is guys. that kinda sucks. <br />i need to shower!<br /><br />&hearts; urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sparklinglar:76755 2007-10-27T06:15:44Z 2007-10-27T06:15:44Z i feel a lot better. i went out last night and i was soo nervous... shahn came up to me and asked how i was and if i was okay? i ignored him and just said, yeah... then went up to him later and we talked... and basically he said what i did didnt bother him and he doesnt want me to act like i dont know who he is when i go out.. and he knew i wasnt like that. then i talked to his cousin, and he said brad was sticking up for me, saying im a good girl and all this.. i was so surprised. <br />shahns cousin said they were done with me and to never talk to them again... but shahn said he didnt say that.. and then i talked to the cousin and we are good now. i want to talk to brad, i will next time. i saw him but he walked in right when i was about to walk over to him. <br />weight off my shoulders, i feel so much better... i cant even explain. <br />then shahn invited me to a halloween party, we'll see. i want to go because i know the "boys" will be there... but i have to find someone to go with me. <br />im a sexy maid lol. going to grave diggers ball tomorrow.<br />i kinda like this guy chris. hes hott as hell, and weve hung out and he hasnt tried to do anything but cuddle with me, its cute. and when we're at the club he kisses me and huggs me and holds my hand. then today i went to get my outfit and he came and he was holding my hand and idk... hes just sweet. but im nervous with him because he works for a radio station and hes very well known out in the club and everything else. and hes hott. so idk. gezzz<br />weight off my damn shoulders, i cant even explain how i feel... i just know not to do what i did again, ever! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sparklinglar:76473 2007-10-24T18:50:05Z 2007-10-24T18:50:05Z apologize i hate people... well guys i should say. <br />i hung out with some guys last weds... and now idk, lets just say.. i will never talk or hang out with them again. it was brads friends too, so hes not gonna be talking to me again. i sent him a message on myspace and he didnt say anything back so whatever. fuck him. i actually kinda liked brad too, which sucks. i shouldnt have put myself in those situations that i did. <br />everyones telling me to go out and just pretend that what they say doesnt bother me, and all this.. but then my sister and kelly tell me to give this week a break and not go out. idk if im going out tonight or not, i want to.. but who knows. <br />right now, life sucks. fuck people, seriously. club people i should say. <br />im ready to go to california... now.<br />i rarely talk to ian anymore, kinda sucks. <br />these past few weeks have been a blurr.. i cant even remember everything thats happened. most of its been good. except last week. i wish i could take back hanging out with brad too. whatever, if any of him and his friends say anything to me... believe me ive got a few lines to say to them too... fuckers... god<br />im too stressed urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sparklinglar:76242 2007-10-14T21:38:33Z 2007-10-14T21:38:33Z apologize ive been going out wayyy to much lately... ive been everyday since weds. jesus. im actually going to get a job in the nightlife soon, not sure where i want to work yet, but ima do it. i know a lot of people in the nightlife now, so i gots the hook up;)<br />weds was a lot of fun, i got on that damn stage at forum.. thurs, not that fun... friday, i met jess from rock of love. pretty damn awesome. erin went out with me friday, brad saw us and came right over to me and i ignored him at first, he was calling me baby and all this shit and then he pulled me to him and he was staring at my sister like "i fucked your sister" she was like "don't look at me like that" and he was like... lauren tell her the truth, stop telling her lies.. tell her what you always do. hes like "i want to get to know you, i want you to come over and want to talk, instead of f*cking all the time" im like omg whatever! and then hes like come over tonight, we'll just "talk" and i was like okay whatever... then later he said he didnt know if we were hanging out and i stopped talking to him. hes a jackass. last night erin bugged him, she was wayyyy too drunk.. i was just like greatttt, i look stupid because she was telling him to talk to me. i wasnt even there, gezzz. im over it. hes a player, he says that its me... but its really him.<br />i have burns and bruises all over me.. kelly burns me with damn cigarettes all the time, and idk how i have bruises. i look beat up lol. <br />oh hahah i met brads best friend friday, and i saw him last night and i was talking to him and he was like "you know my brother, brad right"? i was like no i dont know him and he was like yeah you do brad in forum the manager and i was like no i dont i swear i dont know him, and he smiled and he was like yes you do and winked at me... im like no i dont lol. because brads best friend is so hott, i was trying to talk to him lol. then later he asked for my number. not expecting anything from that, because they are like brothers. <br />i really hate guys...<br />im so tired. <br />Grant was all over kelly and my sister last night, and then asking where i was... then called me at 4 asking me to come over... im like no, he really confuses me too. im not getting hurt so all these guys can fuck off if they are all about some fucking. <br />i want more highlights!<br />im going to nap. i think we're going out again tonight...<br /><br />&hearts; urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sparklinglar:75860 2007-10-04T19:25:02Z 2007-10-04T19:25:02Z tv and bj Last night i got so wasted and fucked up, i cant remember much. i just remember asking myself what im doing with my life, and erin told me i was just like my brother. that shit hurt. <br />todd actually went with us up there, i was so nervous to even go to forum because i hadnt talked to brad since last week. he came up to me and kissed me and then they said he was trying to talk to me. then i realized it was him, and i said "WHY HAVENT YOU CALLED ASS" i dont even remember what he said. then that was it. and he asked todd what i was fucked up on. <br />so then i got kicked out of the club because i couldnt stand up. as soon as i got outside, i started puking. damn i hate that. puked the whole way home, then slept in the bathroom for like a hour. made it to bed, and fell asleep and then asked brad to come over, he called... he wanted me to go over there but i couldnt walk so i wasnt about to try to drive, so didnt happen. <br />i kinda want to go out tonight, then i dont. idk yet. i just want to hang out with brad, and thats really it lol.<br />i gotta go to the doctor and get a doctor's note for work, shitt. <br /><br />&hearts; urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sparklinglar:75618 2007-09-30T23:55:01Z 2007-09-30T23:55:01Z bed fuck him, i havent heard from him... fucker.<br />i hate guys really... why am i even sad? and when im sad, i just want to get fucked up.... shitttt<br /><br />&hearts; urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sparklinglar:75404 2007-09-29T01:47:48Z 2007-09-29T01:47:48Z bed soo tired.. gotta love partying. <br />so much fun last night, not even words can explain. there was like 9 girls, and then all the boys... hot damn too much fun! <br />i havent been to sleep in like 2 days... i need to go to sleep. <br />ive been staying with brad the past two nights, we'll see where this goes? im his 3 am girlfriend;) <br />i still like ----- he pisses me off though. ian, i barely think about... kinda sad:( <br />i hate hott boys, im so damn boy crazy! its good fun. <br />tonight=sleep till 3, boy coming over;P<br />tomorrow=gettin crunk;)<br /><br />&hearts; urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sparklinglar:75120 2007-09-25T16:02:19Z 2007-09-25T16:02:19Z gimme more im so tired lately, i feel a little bit more rested today than yesterday...<br />so brads been calling me in the middle of the night, on sunday night it was 3:30 am and we talked till 8 am and then i worked at 10. shittt, then he called me at 6 this morning but we talked for like a hour. hes tiring... hes hott though, and funny so its all good fun. he wants to hang out this week, not too sure about that one yet...<br />hes kept my mind kinda off ian, good thing. but i go to california in like 2 weeks... im gonna miss charlotte, as much as i hate to say that:( or atleast weds-sundays. <br />getting my hair done tomorrow, yesss:)<br />too many guys in the "club business" are getting my numbers lately, i dont think any of them are hott but like 2. and i really dont want to like any of them because they are in the club scene, im not going to end up like erin and my cousin. i just need to be careful.<br />i dont want to go to work, i work 12:30-9, shittt<br />when i get to work im even more tired than i already am, fucking sucks ass...<br />i am excited about thursday, gonna be fun times:)<br /><br />&hearts; urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sparklinglar:74793 2007-09-21T20:33:58Z 2007-09-21T20:33:58Z sister talking im so tired, not even funny. i cant even think straight.<br />seattle put us on the guest list at forum last night, then we went to bar charlotte, and alleycat. lots of fun... then after me and carley took the girls home, went home, showered, then went to this guy pauls house... we didnt get home till 7 this morning and i woke up at 1. and i just cleaned my sisters house, damnn too tired. <br />saw brad last night, we had a "thing" for a bit, hed call me everynight and txt and for some reason i never answered and when he asked to hang out i said no. so last night when i asked why we havent hung out yet he was like "girl i tried hanging out with you, i asked you over, i asked if i could come over, i called you every night, i txted you" hes so freakin hott too. he watched me dance with grant and all them last night lol.. he was just watching me, im like thats right get jealous. we'll probably never actually hang out, hes just fun to flirt with and look at basically lol. he knows he hott shit though. other boy confuses me, i see him almost everyday, we dance together, we hug.. idk then he told devin he didnt know what it was about me. im like what the hell does that mean. i dont want a relationship out of any of these guys, id be nice to hang out with them and when i go out talk to them and just have fun... thats what we do, but brad is definitely a tool. <br />confuses me too much, boysss...<br />ive been very wild lately, i need to chill and relax. im too tired.. me and ian have talked about a lot of stuff lately, we are basically bf and gf but without the labels. i go out and hang out with these other guys, but hes in the back of my mind. i see him in two weeks, should be fun:)<br />everytime i go out i look for bo, idk why.. he saw me last night, i was like goddd great. because i was dancing and idk lol.<br />i gotta wait on my laundry and then go home sleep, and get ready for tonight:) going out tonight is so tiring but it can be fun:)<br />&hearts; urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sparklinglar:74512 2007-09-09T05:37:11Z 2007-09-09T05:37:11Z boys, boys, boys... they can never make up their damn minds...<br />i went to the club the other night with my sister. fun stuff... so i got interested in 2 guys, well 1 seemed all interested in me txting me till 6 in the morning, and i guess because i wouldnt go home with him, he decided i wasnt worth the time. then the other got out of a relationship and "hates" his ex but then goes to the damn beach with her? what the hell... ive known the one in the relationship or whatever for awhile, and we've hung out and were just friends but idk.. hes hott lol. then the other erins known for like 3 years... he showed me lots and lots of attention telling erin how beautiful i was and erin said i should feel very special because he didnt used to show any girls that type of attention.. kk, its whatever. <br />then ian... what the hell, idk whats up with him. i txted him the other day and he was like 'im having a good day, with a good friend" with happy faces and i was like okay cool. then he calls me at 9 the next morning saying i wasnt supposed to answer because he was going to leave me a message saying nice stuff... so i said okay i went back to bed and he sent me a picture message with him smiling saying "you always make me smile" then i called him thinking he wasnt going to answer because he was at work and he answered and i said noo you werent supposed to answer, and he said... well it was you, and i wanted to. he found out i went to a club and its been weird since, whatever... hes the one telling me i can be with other people damnit. <br />my mom has shingles... shes going to be on pain medicine the rest of her life. its sad... i miss my mommy:(<br />im so damn lonely tonight, its not even funny! and when im lonely i think about guys, damnit! they arent even worth it either. <br />my sister left today, i miss her. <br />i kinda feel over ian, i kinda feel sad about it too... idk why. idk if im really over him because i do miss him like hell right now and i wonder why we havent talked... but the other night talking to the two other guys, i was like "omg and i like ian whyyy"? but the one that i actually really was interested in isnt talking to me anymore, sucks... i bet if i go out again and see him, if i was easy hed want me, fuck him. fuck club guys, fuck guys in general. <br />ughhhh<br /><br />&hearts; urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sparklinglar:74384 2007-09-05T01:49:02Z 2007-09-05T01:49:02Z erin and kelly talking idk why ian and frankie are hanging out so much, its just weird. but ian acts normal so idk, although it takes him like 2 hours to txt back each time. but he does that when hes with frankie... whateva<br />so driving to charlotte at 11am at night and getting here at 5am wasnt too much fun, i didnt sleep at all and i slept till 1 today, im sleepy. <br />so today my mom went in the hospital, shes been complaining of chest pains so my dad took her... they kept her there to run more tests. no idea whats wrong... i hate worrying especially when i know i cant do anything for her. and i just came home, i was like "mom couldnt you have done this when i was there" she just laughed. i love my mommy:( i want her to be okay...<br />im kinda happy to be back in charlotte, then again im not. idk how i feel. im just happy to be in my king bed and be at MY apt. its nice to be in MY room. and i truely love kelly... she makes me happy so im glad to be back with her:)<br />ian better call me tonight like he sad;P<br />me and bo talked yesterday, we didnt fight... shocker. <br />erin and kelly are talking to me:)<br /><br />&hearts; urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sparklinglar:74047 2007-09-01T22:52:03Z 2007-09-01T22:52:03Z Friends i start working at ulta again next week when i get back:( damnit, but i need the money when i go to california. <br />im burnt and sleepy. <br />a part of me doesnt want to leave florida, but i neeeddd money!<br />im going back to california in october, i love october... ima go to halloween horror nights there too:) and some other thing ian wants to go to.. excited! <br /><br />&hearts; urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sparklinglar:73755 2007-08-30T19:51:44Z 2007-08-30T19:56:38Z the kill i hate the dentist. im on the verge of having 15 cavitys because i drink too much coke lol. i have to brush my teeth with this special toothpaste. and then one of my cavitys that i got filled awhile back is loose or something so i have to get it redone, damnit! and get my wisdom teeth pulled, i dont really care about that i just hate being awake when people mess with my teeth!<br />then i went to the normal doctor today, i still have a uriary tract infection... ive had one since april i swear! so now i have to eat tons of yogurt, i hate yogurt! but ill eat it if it makes me better. im on so much medicine too, i hate medicine it makes me sick. <br />i love my animals. so much, they are whats really been making me happy:)<br />i layed out yesterday, i felt burnt, i want to lay out today but im not going to get to, ill just lay out all weekend:)<br />i really like that song shadow of the day by linkin park. i cant find it online:(<br />im sleepy. <br />ians working with anna ferris today, im jealous. i love her. <br />i hate dreams having good dreams that when youre asleep, they seem so real and you wake up and you know it was just a dream. <br />one of these days. <br />i love my sister but she trys way toooo hard with todd its annoying.. i think if i were her id know to leave him alone, but she doesnt... i feel bad that she thinks they have a chance. hes even told her they dont, shes stupid. feel bad for saying that but its true. <br />i think ima go nap or do something to stop being so bored! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sparklinglar:73605 2007-08-28T21:45:04Z 2007-08-28T21:45:04Z umbrella i feel like im living this boring life right now... i came to florida and ive been so damn lazy its bad. everything reminds me of bo here, its sad. im sad, i try to hide it but i am. <br />im tired of being sad, tired of thinking too much, and just tired of guys... i dont know what i want anymore. i think i always complain on here, but hell i dont care, its my journal!<br />my parents are thinking about buying a house here, i really like it... i want them to buy it! its pretty and a actual house instead of a townhouse... although i do love this townhouse..<br />ahh, erin wants me to go work out with her... ahh lazyness!<br />oh well it'll get stuff off my mind:)<br /><br />&hearts; urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sparklinglar:73344 2007-08-28T02:05:05Z 2007-08-28T02:05:05Z dryer California trip was a good one... lots of getting to know my way around, i actually know my way around LA, hollywood, santa monica, venice.. i didnt find a apartment, didnt really look like i should have. i can join SAG now but i actually have to go back in two weeks to join with my paychecks from the movie. just another reason to have to go back there:) i feel like its kind of my home so i dont mind. <br />Saturday was a longggg day, flew from Cali to Charlotte, Charlotte to FL.. didnt get to the house till 12:30. tiring i slept yesterday till 3 then napped from 6 to 8 and went to bed at 1 last night... then got up at 3 today lol. i havent even been outside yet. ive just been so lazy and sleepy.<br />being in florida makes me miss bo, hes like everyone in this house... <br />so there was no negatives with ian this trip, which kind of sucks.. i mean its good but i do like him. idk, i mean this time was all different. he acted like he really cared this time, but who really knows. i mean at night when we cuddled he was like "i love being tangled with you" i never say anything, i always let him say stuff to me.. i want to say something all the time so bad but i never do, somethings holding me back. then he kept asking when id be back... and when he let me out of the car the last day he got out with me and hugged me and said "i already miss you" idk, idk. confuses me... and we say hey baybay like the song lol... and hes like baybay ill miss you... he said he misses me everyday since i left. hes in newyork right now, i havent talked to him today.. idk i want to be over it but im not... sucks. i just know it will never work, ya know?<br />i spent his birthday with him, i couldnt believe he wanted to spend it with me... weird, just made me think how old he actually is lol.<br />being in florida had made me less stress about guys! thank god, im just happy to be with my family:)<br />i wanna go watch a movie:)<br /><br />&hearts; urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sparklinglar:73027 2007-08-19T04:20:44Z 2007-08-19T04:20:44Z who knew i wish i had girlfriends out here, im in need of some girl time... and i want to move here, but i want girlfriends first! <br />i need to look for a aptment, damnit. <br />sometimes i just wonder...<br />me and ian havent talked that much... its weird, im in charlotte and we talk nonstop, here not so much. idk whats up with that. thats one reason why i need girlfriends, i have way too much time to think about shit.. im with my mom yeah, its fun but ya knowwwww.. <br />i had to go to the doctor today, i have a badddd urinary track infection, hurts like hell... doc gave me some meds, i want to be better. im tired of being sick all the damn time. always something, then i had this thing on my old belly hole, so he popped it.. that hurt lol, but it was ugly! <br />me and bo talked last night like friends for the first time... he has some girl obsessing over him lol, hes not gonna keep her around for very long. i do miss him..<br />ians bday is monday, i wont see him a lot monday because he works, but ima be with him tomorrow night.. so i got him a card and then ima get him a best buy card... i feel weird giving him something for some reason, i mean he gets me stuff all the time but idk... the card says "guess what chicken butt, its your birthday" lol and thats totally me because i always say guess what chicken butt, haha. i just feel weird giving him something lol. <br />ive been sleeping so good here! i want to sleep, actually i want to rent a movie on the tv... knocked up, laugh.. shower and sleep:) lol ive been wanting to rent that movie everynight actually, i want to see the damn thing! <br />im sleepy... <br />i need to get things off my mind, i hate it... i forgot what its like to be single and wonder about boys, not knowing a damn thing... I HATE BEING SINGLE! lol<br /><br />&hearts; urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sparklinglar:72953 2007-08-16T01:13:39Z 2007-08-16T01:13:39Z 4 in the morning this cali trip is so much different from last time... i loved brooke being here with me, but now i dont have to worry about trying to entertain someone other than myself. <br />i did the movie monday, it was a fun day. i met a lot of people, all the crew was all nice to me and sucking up to me because i was with the assistant director.. thats what im talking about:) scott baio and sam page are verrrryyyy hott in person. in the scene im right behind sam, almost touching! im in the camera:) i guess sam and scott said i was hott says frankie. i was like HOOK IT UP! lol <br />i hung out with ian monday night and all yesterday. then last night i hung out with matt, one of the PA's for that movie i did. went to dinner and all... hes a nice guy, and very attractive;) but you know when you can tell you're just going to be friends? yepp thats how it is with us. i think he mightttt like me or be interested, but nope. not looking to be interested! <br />its weird with ian this trip, a good weird... i mean yes we are friends and things are over like that... i just like its not a bad weird anymore, we're getting along and he seems like he likes me a lot more? we'll see, we'll see.. im just happy to hang with him, hes my bud;)<br />i need to get off my ass and put my stuff together for tonight, ians coming to take me to dinner, then we're going to his house to watch movies and chill:) not that kind of chill either lol. <br />ive been all alone today, i actually went out to eat alone and i walked to the store, i feel comfortable here! i really want to move here, im starting to feel more comfortable being alone out here. apartment looking this weekend with mom, she comes tomorrow:)<br />more movie work next week:) im excited, although im not excited to see frankie i think i could go without talking to him again, but i need my sag voucher! after i get thoughs im getting into the actors union!!!<br />okay i need to get ready to leave, hes on his way!<br /><br />&hearts; urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sparklinglar:72522 2007-08-10T00:12:51Z 2007-08-10T00:12:51Z who knew i go to cali in 3 days.. im excited, then im not. ive actually been having a lot of fun with kelly and carley lately, having girl time and all... its nice. i just idk... im fine without seeing ian too when im here and i know when im there ill want to see him because ill be close, but its like i dont really want to see him. ill end up seeing him.... but not staying with him! i wont put myself in that situation anymore... nope. speak of the devil... hes being weird! ahh drives me F-ING crazy. <br />hopefully being with my mom there will be fun! <br />i got my hair did, its blondish.. and stacked in the back, i love it! <br />im all packed, i really want to take one suitcase.. but thats just not happening esp since they can only be 50 pounds, i could fit everything in one but im so not paying 50 dollars again for being over 50 pounds! <br />i dont want to fly alone!!!!<br />i hate being in a weird mood. or in a mood i cant even describe. ughhh<br />california here i come....<br /><br />&hearts; urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sparklinglar:72259 2007-08-03T00:23:59Z 2007-08-03T00:23:59Z 4 in the morning so california again next week, i decided to go... im doing the movie too, good movie and ill be part of the actors guild:)<br />i want to move there, i might just be saying bye to charlotte all together and never come back:) we'll see.<br />i hate smelling like the tanning bed! <br />ian and i are talking again, i set him straight;) but we are just friends... nothing more, at all. my choice. he doesnt know that yet, but he'll get it lol. <br />i cant wait to leave... i leave on weds for florida for a day to see the animals, then me and mom are going to ohio for 2 days to see my dad then off to cali, a lot of flying and jet lag... ima be tired but it will be all worth it! <br />im at erins, ayden was staring at me all night lol.. hes a cutie. movie night!<br />i hate fighting with bo, and thats all we ever do when we talk... i do love him, and im going to be very sad to move that far away from him but its like i never see him anyways. idk its all weird. i want a new life, sad to say.... im always sad and never happy here. i need to find something that makes me happy... maybe cali will.<br />seeing stars a lot of time wouldnt be too bad;)<br />almost saw britney, walking up as she was going into a store... and i saw brody from the hills at dinner one night.. very, very nice looking;)<br />cantttt waitttt to leave charlotte! im just ready to not work retail and be working in a movie! its my dream, and im living it, finally! <br />ima go eat:) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sparklinglar:72160 2007-07-28T00:32:18Z 2007-07-28T00:32:18Z over it i hate guys, im over it. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sparklinglar:71916 2007-07-26T18:41:17Z 2007-07-26T18:41:17Z big girls dont cry California was amazing, i never wanted to come home:(<br />i almost didn't but i knew i should. we saw so much stuff, i never thought wed see that much but we did. ian did so much for me and brooke while we were there. very nice<br />im so upset, ive cried for the past 3 days. some reasons i know why and then others i dont. <br />i feel like such a fool. that over it song is really how i feel... im so over it. <br />so ian's friend is working on a movie as a AD and said hed get me on if i want. it starts in a week, and id be there for 3 weeks or longer. idk if i want to do it because first off me and ian are kinda on weird terms, and then his friend likes me... which makes things even more weird. i dont like his friend either. everything is all fucked, and it sucks. i came in between two friends, and they arent talking... do i really want to go out there and go through all this shit... not really but its a really good opportunity. <br />why do i like ian? i want to be over it. and i am. <br />my head hurts, i feel like shit, and i wonder what the hell i did... because i did nothing and ians not really talking to me.. <br />i need to get my mind off things...<br /><br />&hearts;